So lately I have talked to a handful of moms about how discouraging it can be when it comes to feeling like you are accomplishing anything. I have read a lot about this lately due to me feeling the EXACT same way and I've come to this conclusion....I don't think there is a single mom (or stay at home dad) out there that doesn't feel the same way.
After talking to lots of moms and reading lots of articles I have decided that really what it comes down to is that we need to change our attitude/expectations as to what we are "suppose" to be accomplishing everyday. When it comes down to it (in my opinion) there are 4 things that should be on your checklist everyday. They are: 1. housework (this includes dinner) 2. time with the kids 3. me time and 4. couple time. If you can do SOMETHING in each category everyday you are doing AWESOME!
Housework is pretty explanatory, couple time can be something as simple as just sitting down and sharing each others day without any distractions (kids, computers, cleaning etc) to playing a game or cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. The two harder things (again, in my opinion) are "me" time and kid time. As mothers we tend to feel guilty if we aren't spending every second with our children and even guiltier when we feel frustrated with them and feel like we NEED the break. What type of mother needs a break from her children?! Answer: EVERY mother. And the truth is the children need a break from you too...even if they don't know it yet. I try to look at it this way, when I'm not on the floor playing with my daughter or reading with her, I'm teaching her. Teaching her to be independent, teaching her to use her imagination, teaching her its ok to not have to be entertained constantly, etc. "Me time" is hard because, again, as women we seem to feel guilty when we take it, but, if we are honest with ourselves I think we could admit that we are much better (for me, MUCH more patient) mothers AFTER taking some time for ourselves. Maybe its only for a half hour while we check blogs and emails or maybe its an evening away, whatever is needed to rejuvenate and feel up for the challenges of motherhood again.
I have found it is much easier for me to mentally handle everything if I make a WEEK to do list rather than a daily one. My daily one is just to check off each of the four categories...spent time with my daughters...check to kid time! Dusted, picked up house AND cooked dinner (wow, look at me go!)....check to housework! Hung out with hubby when he got home....check to couple time! Took a bath and read....check to me time! As for my weekly list, I have to remind myself regularly that although it would be ideal to accomplish everything on that list by the end of the week it may not (and probably won't) happen. I can transfer whatever didn't get done to the next week....what really matters is that my kids are happy and healthy, my marriage is strong and I'm staying sane....most of the time. :)
So I challenge all of you moms to try to be a little easier on yourself this next week. Try to pat yourself on the back a little more often and find a little more time for yourself...free of guilt. And if you ever need to just vent to someone, or know that someone understands what you are going through look around you and remember that every mother is feeling the same way you are...hoping others can relate to her so she can feel a little less guilty.
3 comments:
Nice job Jen. Just what we all need to hear. Thanks for the little pick me up. I had a little breakdown yesterday about this, so this was definitely needed. :) LOVE YOU!
Good advise Jenny. Love the advise on leaving your kids to play by themselves - it's so true. They DO learn to be independent & use their imagination. I got the tale end of the RS lesson & they were talking about using our time wisely & the distractions that take us away from what's important (internet, etc). Point being is what you've said-balance in all things or maybe just a few things & don't feel guilty (moms). Listening to the Sisters today & the pressures they put on themselves of trying to be the perfect mom/wife- oh my goodness!
Honestly, life is too short to just relax & know all you moms are doing SUCH A GREAT JOB!!! :)
Thanks for the advice. I try my hardest to keep things in perspective, but some days it's really hard not to get discouraged. I am sure every mom feels this way at one time or the other. I always try to remember that my kids would probably much rather have a mom who did fun things with them, than a house that was clean 100 percent of the time. As long as we are all happy together as a family, a little mess here and there isn't too bad. :)
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