i am a mother. i am me.

i just finished watching Julie & Julia. i cried at the end. ok, truth be told i got choked up several times throughout the movie, although the few glistening tears weren't shed until the end.

so many thoughts are going through my head, some that contradict the next, that i can hardly keep them straight.

i love being a mother. the book "i am a mother" is a favorite of mine. i read it often and it always helps remind me how blessed i am. i wouldn't trade it for the world....but there are moments when i wish i was more than just a mother. i wish when the girls were tucked away in their beds that i could turn into someone else for a bit. a wonderful writer, a phenomenal cook, an excellent blogger, a brilliant seamstress, etc. what is stopping me really? i certainly have the support from my AMAZING husband. i have the ability to learn a talent and begin to perfect it but i suppose it is the determination i lack. or the fear of failure. yes, i think that is it more than anything else. why is it that fear can be so paralyzing? stopping you in your tracks from accomplishing something worth your while?

i like to blame not accomplishing things on lack of time, that seems to be my choice of excuse, but in all actuality i suppose it is fear far more than time. i could make the time. i will make the time.

first, i must organize myself. there is nothing i hate more than feeling unorganized. i have a hard time working or enjoying myself in a messy environment. (this may come as a shock to some who have seen my house, but none the less, it is true) :)

yes, i will focus on organization for awhile. and continue to blog. whether people are reading or not is not relevant, what is important is that i feel accomplished. i have an escape from reality for a bit. and that i feel i am not ONLY a mother. but oh so much more. i'm still....me.